![]() Tuesday: Casual 2 mile walk with friends (with a little running to catch up when Bailey would stop at every pole and tree).Monday: Training session with Megan-Legs Walk/jog trail 2 miles.I may go through multiple ups and downs possibly all in the same day and there might be days where I once again feel so lost that I feel like I am drowning reaching out for a lifeline. I know this won't be easy nor will I instantly be "fixed"-(another hurt this week-"shouldn't you be 'fixed' by now). In order to do that I have to dig my heels in and commit to myself so I can forgive myself and heal. I want to have a healthy soul, mind and body so I can be the sparkly bad ass super girl- no sparkly bad ass ALICIA I strive for. I want to know my worth and love myself enough to be able to not feel broken and damaged by my past. I do not want to crumble when faced with disappointments or rejection. I do not want my insecurities, doubts and need for validation to keep consuming me so much that it pushes people away and causes me to lose even more of myself. I do not want to keep repeating this cycle I am on. I AM WORTH IT DAMMIT!! Everyone keeps telling me I am but I haven't been able to tell myself that. I do not regret however what I have learned this week. It hurts and I hope that isn't the case but only time will tell. I regret that it might have cost me a friend and quite possibly more. ![]() I won't go into any detail of what happened earlier this week that chipped away enough of that wall that I am finally ready to stop fighting against myself. That incident has left me reaching out in all directions for any outside validation I could possibly receive to use as my lifeline to feel happy and whole again. And I have refused to forgive myself for not standing up and fighting for myself. Over the course of this year I completely turned against myself and refused to see the situation I was in earlier this year as anything but me giving away any power, strength and sparkle I had found. This week has definitely been a difficult one where I have had to face some harsh truths about myself and just how much I have lost ALICIA. ![]()
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